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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28116207">I want to keep you this way</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/denisiya/pseuds/denisiya'>denisiya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Thomassss xmas [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Downton Abbey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, First Time, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nutcracker, Thomas Barrow Xmas 2020, Thommy - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:20:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28116207</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/denisiya/pseuds/denisiya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas doesn't want to press on Jimmy &amp; Jimmy wants to be pressed by Thomas.<br/>And who needs a ballet?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Thomassss xmas [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A Very Thomas Barrow Christmas 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I want to keep you this way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>17. Nutcracker - “I can’t believe we have to watch the nutcracker, ballet is stupid.”<br/>22. Best gift ever - "I don't need a gift, you're the only thing I wanted for Christmas."</p>
<p>Boys just want to have a moment for themselves!<br/>1) non-native speaker<br/>2) opened to comments!<br/>3) enjoy ^_^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>             Jimmy knew that they were lucky to get the tickets. The family provided few people with them, as Lord Grantham was invited to the theatre by Marquis whose name Jimmy didn't care to remember much. Apparently, this Marquis' family has a Christmas tradition to do it every year and even take a few servants with them. For some reason, they decided that giving Grantham's servants tickets would be a good idea. Originally, Mr Carson, Mrs Hughes, Miss O'Brien, Mr and Mrs Bates, Mr Molesley, Mrs Patmore and Thomas were the ones who got the tickets, but it was decided that it's better to educate young people and let them see the "masterpiece" as everyone said. Bateses were happy to give tickets to Ivy and Jimmy, Mrs Patmore waved hers in front of Daisy and wished her Merry Christmas, O'Brien let Alfred watch it and told him to retell everything in details later. No matter how Thomas and Jimmy protested, they weren't allowed to skip it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t believe that we have to watch The Nutcracker, ballet is stupid," he says when they smoke with Thomas outside, freezing their fingers and noses.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not stupid, it's just that you are ignorant," Thomas smirks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, right, and you pray for Tchaikovsky day and night?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thomas inhales deeply, sucking his cigarette and looking away. He always does it when he thinks how to answer, so he has a little time to overthink. Jimmy knows him perfectly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No," Thomas finally mumbles with a raised corner of his mouth and then they laugh softly. "I'd rather spend that day as we planned."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was their day off, few days before Christmas, so they wanted to make it as a celebration. Steal some Mrs Parmore's biscuits, build a snowman, sit by the fireplace together. It might look childish because it's not really what couples like them do when they have this rare free time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Jimmy feels guilty for that. It's three and a half months since the night he found the courage to tell Thomas about his feelings and three months since Thomas accepted him, forgave him and kissed him the way none of them thought was meant to happen. So after three months of lying in bed together, kissing and saying sweet things they, probably, should already take the next step, but Jimmy said right at the start that it'll take him a long time to be ready. It was new for him, he couldn't even kiss with tongue in the first month. Of course, Thomas is patient and Jimmy is grateful for that. He knows that he will not suddenly feel a hand on his hip or kiss on the neck when he doesn't expect it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thomas, obviously, wants that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy wants it, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn't hide from himself and he knew</span>
  <em>
    <span> what</span>
  </em>
  <span> he felt the last time they were kissing on Thomas' bed. He felt dizzy and wonderful, but he was too determined that he couldn't be ready for at least a few more months. He was sure of it until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They could have the whole day for themselves and they really planned to waste it on fooling around. It seemed so silly now as they didn't have this chance anymore. Jimmy still is too overwhelmed when he thinks of them in </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>way, but, well, he'll be scared until he tries it. Feeling ready and being ready are, probably, two a bit different things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I wished we didn't need to go there."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the day comes, Jimmy tries to stay positive. They are in a beautiful house (castle, more like), just an hour on a car from London. The atmosphere is pretty nice with all the lights, toys and bright details. It really is not as bad as it seemed, even if they already have to go to the theatre. They can pretend that they are going on a proper date, can't they?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the moment he goes to the servant's hall, he notices the glum Thomas' face. People are busy talking, the light in their eyes, and it's understandable, the ballet is truly popular and wanted. Thomas doesn't think so, apparently, as he sits aside from everyone and plays with his hat. He is upset and Jimmy knows why.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So that's when Jimmy understands what he has to do to make this day better for both of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rushes to his room to scratch a few words on the small sheet of paper, rolls it in a tube and goes back to the hall. Everyone is waiting for him (they, of course, decided to leave exactly when Jimmy went upstairs) and Mr Carson even gave him a judging look. Thankfully, Thomas is at the end of the crowd, so it's easy to catch him when others are already outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You wanted to say something?" Thomas asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy only makes a few steps forward and tightly embraces him with one arm around his shoulders and lays the other on his stomach. Thomas hesitates at first but returns the gesture.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm glad that we'll watch the ballet together, that's all," he answers and carefully slips the note in the pocket of Thomas' coat. When all done he pulls off and smiles. "Let's go."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thomas doesn't look pleased the slightest during their way to London and Jimmy prays that his surprise might cheer him up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they are in the theatre, he notices how beautiful everything is: red and yellow garlands, drawings of stars, photos of actors in golden frames, paper snowflakes that are hanging above him, Christmas trees here and there. He would take Thomas here himself if he had the money, so probably it's all for the best.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They are fortunately told to put their coats off and hang them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Check your pockets, please, so no important things will be lost," the lady tells them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that's when Jimmy looks closely at Thomas. The man gives his hat and scarf to the lady, then puts hands in his pockets. When he observes the insides of them, he puts the wallet and the lighter in his jacket, putting the cigarettes back and pulls out the note. He freezes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“May I?” the lady asks and reaches to his coat. "Christmas' season is a treasure for robbers, so make sure that all your belongings are with you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yes,” he blurts out and gives it to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy is ready to meet his eyes when he looks up at him. He smiles and stares at Thomas when he opens the note and reads what’s written there:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm ready. I'll give you my Christmas present tonight. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Midnight, your room."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy sees Thomas’ face go red instantly; he didn’t even know that Thomas’ face could have this shade, not to mention the speed of it covering his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Barrow, are you alright?" asks Mrs Hughes who appeared out of nowhere right next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I am, why?" he tries to say with a suddenly hoarse voice. He waves the note to create a flood of cool air and looks at the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, you don't seem okay to me, you're all red."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's just too hot here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When all silly attention to him disappeared, he finds Jimmy in the crowd and bumps him with his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not the best time for such inappropriate things, you know," he says. People's talks are loud enough for them not to whisper, so they only need to look casually. The little grin on his face is not really discreet, but Jimmy isn't going to complain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"On the contrary, Mr Barrow," he replies and bumps his shoulder in return, "we are about to waste a few long hours, so you'll need something… colourful to think about."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thomas just lowers his head and softly laughs, covering his eyes with his palm. Then he checks both sides to be sure that no one listens and leans a bit closer to Jimmy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And that's going to entertain me, indeed, but you shouldn't say this if you don't mean it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do mean it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jim- James-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do," he insists. He knew that Thomas wouldn't be sure of this choice and he has to change his mind, to prove him just how much he wants it. So he grabs his shoulder and leads them to the toilet that happens to be right down the corridor. They go inside and Jimmy stands with his back to the door, so no one will come inside at the wrong moment. Thomas stands next to the sinks and seems to avoid Jimmy's eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jimmy, you don't have to do anything for me," he says after a minute or two, "I'll wait as much as you need."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, now I want to."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Egh, what, here?" Thomas awkwardly asks and touches neck shyly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thomas!" exclaims Jimmy, "no, I want normal conditions."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But what has changed? You were afraid of it a month ago, why are you so sure you want it now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know, Thomas," he shrugs up, "sometimes you just feel."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, I don't believe you. And I still don't think that 'this' will happen tonight," he says and comes closer to Jimmy, "can I…?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy nods and welcomes Thomas' tight embrace. He rests his cheek on the man's shoulder and Thomas strokes his neck and back with his warm hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They spend three (or more) minutes as this and Thomas pulls back a little to look him in the eyes, arms are still around his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy can't resist and leans forward to place a kiss on his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jimmy-" exhales Thomas, "I respect your comfort."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You do?" He starts to bite gently. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They are in the bloody public toilet.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"</span>
  </em>
  <span>Yeah," Thomas barely whispers, "and I really don't think that you're ready to do this tonight."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next thing that Jimmy sees are Thomas' rounded eyes and rapidly opened mouth, as his palm slams into Thomas' crotch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you want me to make you believe just how much I want it?" he says and kisses him</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well," he breathes as Jimmy tightens his grip, "I might do want-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The melody of the bell makes them both jump in the opposite sides. They know what it means: the second signal, by the time the third one plays they wouldn't be able to get to see the ballet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Huh, seems that we need to go," Jimmy says smugly. He looks in the mirror, fixes his hair and jacket, then quickly goes out of the toilet, leaving shocked and flushed Thomas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, Thomas is going to like this day no matter what, he doesn't doubt the slightest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*** </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mr Carson takes Thomas to sit with him and Mrs Hughes on the three spots, while Jimmy and others sit in the back rows on the right. He'd like to sit together, but it's probably for the best: Thomas might go mad while sitting there, thinking of </span>
  <em>
    <span>it </span>
  </em>
  <span>and not seeing Jimmy. Luckily, Jimmy does see him, because they sit diagonally, so he has his own show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Who needs this ballet?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thomas turns his head back and looks at Jimmy three times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Four times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the man in </span>
  <em>
    <span>tights </span>
  </em>
  <span>appears, Thomas turns around for the fifth time and almost winks at Jimmy, but Mr Carson taps his shoulder and looks at both of them with judgement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There is no sixth time but when the next handsome man in tights starts to dance in the middle of the stage, he stares at Thomas' back of the head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can not wait to meet after this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Three hours later Jimmy stands in front of his mirror and brushes hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, I brushed my teeth, washed my armpits, washed in between legs…" he thinks. Should he wash his feet, as well? Probably, should, it doesn't feel like a long-time thing. What if he stays to sleep in Thomas' room, in his bed? Is there any need to take his toothbrush, then? Well, no, it'd be stupid to come in his room to spend the night together with a toothbrush in his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And why does he think so much? He's done this before. Yes, it was a girl, but he had feelings for her, too, so things can't be that different. Kate was the right choice for the first time. How's she doing now?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Besides, Thomas knows what to do, he always does. Jimmy sometimes realises that all responsibility is on Thomas and he feels guilty for that, but that's just the way it is. He did all work for Kate five years ago, because he felt stronger and he needed to make her comfortable, so she'll-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wait, I'm not a bloody girl!" he whispers, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It has nothing to do with girls, it's just that Thomas is more experienced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With these thoughts Jimmy leaves his room, wearing pyjamas only. He steps as softly as he can because the corridor is so quiet that the dropped needle would be heard clearly. When he stands next to Thomas' door he thinks whether he should knock or just come in, and chooses the latter, because knowing Thomas he can surely say that the man has been ready for the last thirty minutes and he probably already lies in the right pose on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That happens to be almost true, as he sees Thomas sitting on the bed in his pyjamas. (Looks like he brushed his hair, too). He instantly looks up at Jimmy not changing the posture: straightened back, intertwined fingers resting on his knees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hello," says Thomas fondly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy just nods and quietly closes the door behind him. He takes a few steps forward still hoping that Thomas will take the lead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why he's not moving.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man's eyes are locked on Jimmy's face, lips parted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next moment he lowers his head and rests his forehead on his fists. Jimmy begins to worry that something's wrong until he hears him giggling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Those-" Thomas tries between deep breaths with a wide smile, "those men were in tights on the stage." At that Jimmy bursts into laughing, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"They were," he says, "and don't pretend that you didn't like it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>like it. But will you ever let anyone see you in that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They start laughing, trying to stifle their noises with palms, not being able to stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll never."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few more moments of joy are followed by silence, which Jimmy can't describe as comfortable or uncomfortable. Fortunately, Thomas is the one who breaks it:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you really want this."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want me," Thomas continues as Jimmy decides to come closer and </span>
  <em>
    <span>straddle </span>
  </em>
  <span>him. He has his arms around Thomas’ shoulders and the other man's hands securely hold his lower back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, I want you," he breathes and places a wet trail of kisses on his neck. His grip tightens, so as the fabric </span>
  <em>
    <span>down there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He already feels something pressing in his crotch, he knows what it is and he's not afraid at all. He's not scared as he thought he'd be. Not with Thomas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His lips finally find Thomas' and this kiss is different from all previous ones because they both can let go, not trying to hold themselves back. It feels so good to be free with this man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now tell me," says Thomas between the bites and kisses on his neck, "why do I have a feeling that you don't have an actual Christmas present for me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Egh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What, I'm not enough for you?" Jimmy replies and rolls his hips forward, trying to distract Thomas. They both sigh deeply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's just a joke, Jimmy," he says and kisses his cheeks, "I don't need a gift, you're the only thing I wanted for Christmas."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a mutual thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jimmy grabs his wallet and rushes the next day to London. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>forget to buy Thomas a Christmas gift.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let's all imagine that servants could watch The Nutcracker with Crawleys, not to mention the possibility to watch it back then in London.<br/>Don't mind my research skills!<br/>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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